


Killing Vandal Savage with Coffee

by Sohotthateveryonedied



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Tim is drunk on coffee, don’t do caffeine kids, this is super random but whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 20:36:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12849018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sohotthateveryonedied/pseuds/Sohotthateveryonedied
Summary: "No, Tim. As amusing as it would be, you can't defeat Vandal Savage by pouring hot coffee on his head." Equally funny and pointless.





	Killing Vandal Savage with Coffee

Nine days. That was how long it's been since Tim Drake had slept. Nine. Days. And frankly, he was an absolute mess.

The team was trying to figure out Vandal Savage's next plan, and poor Tim was just too busy to sleep. He chugged coffee like it was air and even snuck some Redbull in it. He insisted he was busy working, but he reminded Dick of a drunk person with the way his eyes drooped and his head lolled. He was so overtired, it was a miracle he could still form coherent sentences..

"Tim, stop. You're gonna die or something if you keep refusing to sleep like that," said a very concerned Dick Grayson. They had been at the cave all day, and Tim had been staring blankly at the wall with exhaustion for the last half hour. It was weird twenty minutes ago—now it was just plain creepy. "Just take a nap already," Dick said. 

"SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK," Tim burst drunkenly, slamming one hand on the table and gulping down some more coffee with the other.

Dick made a swipe for the mug but was met with a pencil flung at him. "Please, Timmy. Just put the coffee down and sleep. Nobody can handle that much caffeine at once."

In the back of his mind, Dick wondered if knockout gas would help. Or maybe it would just be easier to call Zatanna for a sleeping spell. 

Tim got a faraway look on his face. "I could kill criminals with coffee?" he murmured.

"What? Wait, Tim no—“

"I'll set a trap for Savage and bring a vat of hot coffee and then I'll force him to drink it until he dies. Yesssss..."

Dick grabbed him by the shoulders, steering him over to the couch and trying to force him to lie down. "You can't actually kill someone by making them drink coffee, Tim. If that were the case, you would have been dead years ago," Dick chuckled. 

Tim swayed, falling back onto the couch and continuing to mutter. "Fine. Then I'll pour it on his face and melt ‘im like that uh...that purple lady from the wizard movie. What was it..?" He looked up at the ceiling, his hand petting Dick's hair without his brain giving it permission.

Dick smiled at his little brother. "You mean the Wizard of Oz?"

Tim snapped his fingers, slapping Dick on the shoulder. "Tha’s it. I'll melt him with coffee like that lady."

"No, Tim. As amusing as it would be, you can't defeat Vandal Savage by pouring hot coffee on his head."

Tim made a face and tried hitting Dick, but his hand missed by several inches. "You never lemme do what I want," he slurred. "If I was Hannah Montana you'd gimme whatever I want, you actual moldy piece of pasta."

Dick shook his head in amusement, getting up and throwing a blanket over Tim, who was practically asleep already.

The mug of coffee was still clutched in his hand like a life preserver. Dick tried prying it from his fingers, but Tim lazily kicked him in the stomach and growled, "My coffee," before dropping the half-full cup on the ground and passing out.


End file.
